The Heterodyne Boys and the Gliders of Infinity
by Rikku Al Bhed
Summary: Based on the comic Girl Genius. A short fic about Gil and Wooster in Paris. There might be a disappointing lack of Gliders or the Heterodyne boys in here, but there is mad science and Gilgamesh Wulfenbach!


The Heterodyne Boys and the Gliders of Infinity

_Please forgive the odd title. I, quite frankly, am not good at thinking of titles, and this was on the top of the word document, so that's what it was saved as. As I couldn't think of anything better the name stuck. _

"The Heterodyne Boys and the Gliders of Infinity"

Gilgamesh Wulfenbach, or Gil Swart as everyone in Paris knew him, was bored. He shouldn't have been, and earlier in the day, he had in fact been excited to come to class. The battle of Misinnburg had been a horrible affair for everyone involved. Gil remembered the battle well. He had been too young to participate, but one of the older students on Castle Wulfenbach had snuck out and joined the Baron's army. He had come back in pieces.

To hear about the battle told by a Jägermonster was to experience it. It was exciting yet horrible to hear about the Taleks who turned the tide of the battle, and then died instantaneously when their master was slain. Their bodies filed the labs as the Baron sought to discover how it was that the Baron of Misinnburg achieved this feat. For weeks, Gil was afraid to enter any of the labs for fear that he would find a pile of rotten corpses.

Yet, one particularly boring teacher stripped out the excitement, the horror, and even the drama. As the teacher droned on, Gil wondered why he even bothered coming to class anymore. Every time he thought the class was going to be the slightest bit interesting, the professor disappointed him. Gil had thought he would have enjoyed learning what everyone else thought happened during the major battles of his father's rule. However, the professor was so incredibly dull that Gil was having trouble staying awake. He would have learned the exact same thing from the textbook in half the time. No wonder people hated history.

Gil wished there was some way to make this class end early, as it was perhaps the worst of his classes. He contemplated stabbing himself with his pen, not because it would have given him a good excuse to leave class early (it would have been) but because it would be less painful than listening to his professor talk any longer. How was it humanly possible to have such an annoying voice? And did he really have to talk in a monotone? It was as if he knew he was boring and wanted to make his students suffer.

To distract himself, Gil started doodling on the piece of paper he had out for taking notes. He tried to look like he was diligently taking notes, but he really was designing a small machine that would painlessly sever the vocal cords of anyone he sent it after. Just as he had finished drawing the contraption that he had named "The Silencer", class was mercifully over.

Instead of heading towards his next class, as he had done every other day, Gil headed off campus to the house he was staying at. It was time for a change. He was going to skip his last two classes and take the rest of the day off. It was his birthday and he deserved to have some fun. What he would do, he didn't know, but anything would be better than this, even staring at the ceiling for the next three hours.

Gil's roommate, Ardsley Wooster, greeted him with a distracted hello. He carefully put the papers he was reading away and said to Gil, "You are back early. I didn't expect you for a couple of hours."

Gil hesitated, contemplating telling his friend that he was sick, but then decided to go with the truth. "I'm skipping class."

Ardsley eyed the books that Gil tossed on the floor. "But you didn't skip all of them," he stated.

"Well, I didn't think about skipping until my history class."

"The one with Professor Maybrin? He really isn't very good. I don't know how he keeps his teaching license."

"Yeah, that one. Professors Raynold and Shillin aren't that much better. I don't really want to deal with them today. I was so bored in Maybrin's class that I contemplated killing myself with my pen."

"You put a death ray in your pen?" Ardsley asked incredulously.

"What? No." Gil was bewildered; not quite understanding what gave Ardsley that idea.

"Oh, so you didn't do something sparky to your pen then?" Ardsley asked, sounding a little disappointed.

"Well, no. Just because I have the spark doesn't mean I put death rays in everything." Gil exclaimed.

"Oh. Then how were you going to kill yourself with your pen?"

"Well, I didn't really have it all planned out, but if I were to kill my self with my pen, the best way to do so would be to pierce a major artery, like the aorta or the jugular."

"Would you be able to do that with a pen?"

"With enough force I don't see why not."

Ardsley looked perturbed. "I see. So you are telling me you could kill people with your pen."

"I suppose so. But why would I want to?"

"Well, I certainly hope you wouldn't."

"I did design a device to silence people."

"Oh?" Ardsley asked curiously.

Gil searched through the pile of papers for his notes. Showing the plans to Ardsley he said, "See. It makes people shut up."

Ardsley stared at the paper for a couple of seconds. "It looks like a flying guillotine."

Gil looked over the plans again. "Hmm, it does look like one. I hadn't noticed that. Well, you do have to admit, it would shut them up."

"Yes. Yes, it would. It would also kill them."

"I can fix that."

"If I catch you making that thing, I'm moving out."

"Er, right. I had no intentions of building it."

"Good."

The two young men looked around the room, not wanting to continue the conversation. Gil busied himself with putting his books away. He shouldn't keep them on the floor where someone could trip over them.

"So," Ardsley said abruptly, "what's your real reason for skipping class? It is most unlike you. No matter how bored you get with a class, you stick with it until the very end. Is there something the matter?" Ardsley asked.

"Well, no. Nothing is the matter per say. It's just, well, it's my birthday and I don't want to waste it in class. Anyway, attendance for the next two classes wasn't mandatory. It's just review for midterms."

"Ah, I see. That explains it. I was beginning to think you might be sick. First you didn't make a death ray out of your pen, then you plan on actually skipping class." Ardsley paused, "have you ever skipped class before?"

Gil looked at the group and shuffled his feet nervously. "Well, there was one time I was sick," he began.

Ardsley interrupted saying, "Doesn't count."

"Then no."

"Well, you should skip more. It can't be healthy to stay in class all the time."

Gil raised an eyebrow, "Is that why you are never in class?"

Ardsley grinned impudently, "And I'm never sick either."

Gil shook his head and bit back laughter. "Well, I don't get sick all that often either, so I don't believe going to class has anything to do with it."

Wooster dug around in his half of the closet. "If you say so. Anyway, just so you know, I already knew today was your birthday. You've only told my every day for the last three months."

"I have not!" Gil said indignantly.

"Have too." With that, Ardsley pulled out a small box and handed it to Gil. "Here, happy birthday."

"Thanks," Gil said as he took the box. "May I open it?"

"No, you have to stare at it until next year. Of course you can open it."

Gil opened the box to find a book, specifically, The Heterodyne Boys and the Gliders of Infinity. "I have looked all over for this book," Gil exclaimed. "Where did you find it?"

Wooster shrugged. "It was in one of the small bookstores off campus. I don't remember which one exactly."

Gil flipped through the pages of the book. It was in remarkably good condition considering the age. It had been out of print for a few years, and he hadn't been able to find a copy that was in such good shape. He had found one copy once, but it was missing a couple of pages in the middle, and the last ten pages so he hadn't bought it. Gil sat down on his bed and started to read.

"I'm going to go out with a couple of friends to check out a new bar we found, would you like to come?" Ardsley asked.

"Nah," Gil said. "I think I'll stay here and read."

"Suit yourself," Ardsley said and left Gil alone to read his book.


End file.
